RODERICH EDELSTEIN: User Guide and Manual
by Vanechka
Summary: CONGRATULATIONS! You have just purchased your very own RODERICH EDELSTEIN Unit. This manual was written in order to allow you, the owner, to unlock your unit's full potentials...  LolliDictator style


**A/N: **Writing style courtesy of Theresa Greene, but I first saw this style from LolliDictator's manuals for other Hetalia characters. LolliDictator has said that she will be writing more manuals, but I thought Austria just deserves a manual sooner! My own version of the manual, hope you like it~

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><p><strong>RODERICH <strong>**EDELSTEIN: ****User ****Guide ****and ****Manual**

**Congratulations! **You have just purchased your very own RODERICH EDELSTEIN Unit. This manual was written in order to allow you, the owner, to unlock your unit's full potentials, and it is advised that you read this before trying anything to prevent extreme frustration. Although the RODERICH EDELSTEIN Unit is far more civilised than some of our other units, mistreatment of this unit may still result in much frustration and unwarranted trolling.

**Technical ****Specifications:**

Name: Roderich Edelstein. Will respond to "Austria", "Republic of Austria", "Austrian Empire", "Mr. Austria", "Mr. Edelstein", "Sir", "Republik Österreich", "Specs", "Roddy" and "aristocratic pansy", though he will be annoyed if you call him by the last three names.

Age: 23

Place of Manufacture:Vienna, Austria

Height: 5' 8"

Weight: 135 lbs

Length: Remember that Austria used to be an empire? Yeah.

**Your ****RODERICH ****EDELSTEIN ****Unit ****comes ****with ****the ****following:**

One (1) long navy blue coat

Two (2) pairs of long black pants

Three (3) Cravats

One (1) pair of glasses (non-prescription)

One (1) pair of short boots

One (1) set of Seven Years War military uniform (complete with rapier)

One (1) tailcoat

One (1) Conductor's baton

One (1) Violin

One (1) Flute

Seven (7) books of music scores (3 of them are empty, it is not a printing error)

Although not provided in the set, it is highly recommended for the owner of a RODERICH EDELSTEIN Unit to own a piano of some sort (preferably at least a baby grand, although he can make do with practice pianos but might complain about the sound quality) or at least have convenient access to a piano, for RODERICH EDELSTEIN Units are known to ragequit on their owner when he discovers that there is no piano in the house.

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><p><strong>Programming<strong>

Your RODERICH EDELSTEIN Unit comes with the following traits:

Musician: RODERICH EDELSTEIN is a natural born musician and knows how to play virtually any instrument (even if there is an instrument he has never seen before, he will probably learn how to play it quite well in about five hours), though he is the best on the piano and violin. Sign him up for your local symphonic orchestra for any position (even as the conductor) and you'd be raking in cash quite quickly.

Guardian: RODERICH EDELSTEIN is a rather stern Unit who is quite particular about discipline. He will be very responsible towards his ward and ensure that he or she does whatever he or she is supposed to do. Though his ward may initally dislike him for this, they will eventually grow to like him because of his more gentle side.

Aristocrat: RODERICH EDELSTEIN is naturally a "young master" type who likes to enjoy life and thus he has the tendency to stay around in the house doing nothing particularly productive (unless it is related to music). Thus, if you had not signed him up for the orchestra or have otherwise given him a job, do not expect him to be doing much in your house beyond strolling around, drinking coffee, baking pastries, writing sheet music and playing on his musical instruments.

**Removal ****of ****your ****RODERICH ****EDELSTEIN ****Unit ****from ****packaging:**

As RODERICH EDELSTEIN is usually a calm and collected person, it is rather difficult for the process of removing him from the packaging to be dangerous because he is usually not dangerous even when annoyed. The following are some of the ways to remove him from the packaging:

1. You may open the box directly and address him politely (as "Mr. Edelstein" or "Mr. Austria"). If nothing went wrong during shipping, he will wake up and greet you politely and allow you to reprogram him. If he was jolsted during shipping, he might wake up and greet you in a rather grouchy manner but allow you to reprogram him nevertheless.

2. Say "I'm awesome!" or go "Kesesese!" or "It must suck balls to have Silesia taken away from you by force!" loud enough for him to hear. You will hear angry shouting from the box (along the lines of "you idiot!") and it is safe to open the box; he will not burst out of it or attack you. Upon seeing that you are not a GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT Unit, he will apologize for his behaviour and allow you to reprogram him.

3. Bake Austrian pastry or cook Hungarian food. He will wake up to both and allow you to reprogram him, but may be slightly disappointed to discover that you are not an ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY Unit if you did the latter.

4. Play something on the piano, preferably classical music composed by an Austrian, Hungarian or Polish composer (we're referring to Chopin here, of course). Russian composers (like Rachmaninov) are not encouraged but will be effective nevertheless (however, if you choose to do so, you will only see the first response). There are technically two possible responses to this but usually you would only see the first response unless you are really skilled:

First response: he will wake up and tell you (in the box) that your playing is unacceptable and demand that you let him out. After you remove him from the box, he will sit down at your piano and show you how the piece should have been played (and he will play it flawlessly, we assure you). If you had played a song composed by a Russian composer, he would instead play one of Chopin's Etudes to express his "utter disgust" at your choice of music. After this, he will allow you to reprogram him.

Second response (VERY RARE): he will wake up but he will not say anything because he is satisfied with your playing. After you finish playing the song (make sure you do finish!) you may let him out. He will praise you on your playing and allow you to reprogram him.

If you chose to play a piece by Ludwig van Beethoven, he will wake up and insist that Beethoven was an Austrian composer.

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><p><strong>Reprogramming<strong>

After successfully getting your RODERICH EDELSTEIN unit out of his box, you can reprogram him from his default _Aristocratic_ mode if you wish.

_Aristocratic__(default)_

_Aloof__(default)_

_Protective_

_Troll_

_Frugal_

_Dominant__(locked)_

_Rage__(locked)_

RODERICH EDELSTEIN is, by default, _Aristocratic_and _Aloof._ This means that he may be rather demanding and cutting, but polite while doing so. Before you get to know him better, he will be distant and formal, and easily annoyed by any form of behaviour he deems as "childish". He also has a tendency to express himself through his music, being reserved and not very good with words. It is advised for the owner to learn some basic music theory to understand if your RODERICH EDELSTEIN Unit is annoyed.

_Protective_ is usually initiated when you threaten to take away something of his. He may accuse you of "seizing his vital regions" (he does not seem to understand the innuendo behind it) if you take away something dear to him, like his music scores or his violin. However, it may also be initiated if he is emotionally attached to someone or if he is assigned to take care of someone (e.g. his ward) and the person is threatened.

RODERICH EDELSTEIN is known to be the greatest troll ever. In _Troll_mode, he is able to out-troll anyone, including ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO and GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT. If he ever tries to troll you, do not attempt to out-troll him; doing so would result in tears and much frustration. There have been no documented successes of an owner out-trolling his or her RODERICH EDELSTEIN Unit, and we are certain that you will not be the first. It is impossible to get him out of this mode by force; he will usually stop trolling after and hour or two. If you have an ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY unit, you may speed up this process by leaving him with her for a while.

The _Frugal_ mode is activated if RODERICH EDELSTEIN deems that you are wasting money. Despite his aristocratic nature, he is also rather thrifty, due to his long-term friendship with VASH ZWINGLI. In this mode, he will lecture you for being wasteful and attempt to salvage the situation. To get him out of this annoying mode, suggest politely that he could engage in more meaningful activities like playing the piano or baking pastries, and he will stop.

The _Dominant_ mode is locked, and for good reason. A RODERICH EDELSTEIN Unit in_Dominant_ mode is aggressive and reverted to when the Austrian Empire was at the height of its glory. In this mode, your Unit will actually be dangerous if provoked and Flying Mint Bunny Co. is not responsible for any damage done to the owner when a RODERICH EDELSTEIN Unit is in this mode. Also, if your RODERICH EDELSTEIN Unit is in a relationship with any other Unit, he will always top in this mode, regardless who the other Unit is. This mode may be activated by placing him with any unit in their respective Empire modes. To get a RODERICH EDELSTEIN unit out of this mode, place him with an ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY unit in any mode but _Domestic_ and he'll snap out of it after a while.

The _Rage_ mode is a severe manifestation of his annoyance, when you annoy him past his limits - this is extremely hard and usually a result of a RODERICH EDELSTEIN Unit spending too much time with a GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT unit. In this mode, your RODERICH EDELSTEIN Unit is aggressive towards whoever set him into _Rage_ but is otherwise quite normal. If the owner is responsible for the _Rage_, he may ragequit on you and leave the house. Do note that RODERICH EDELSTEIN Units have a terrible sense of direction and it is rare for them to come back of their own accord; the owner may use the GPS chip embedded in all our Units to track down the RODERICH EDELSTEIN Unit after a few hours and apologize sincerely to him to get him out of this mode.

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><p><strong>Relationships <strong>**with ****other ****Units:**

ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY: These two were married for over fifty years and obviously still harbour feelings for each other; it is not difficult for a RODERICH EDELSTEIN Unit and an ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY Unit living in the same household to start a relationship. Please do not attempt to obtain footage of this pairing, lest you want your brains to be extracted by a frying pan (and please do not try to set up secret cameras; the ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY Unit is quite good at searching for them, being a user of these cameras herself.)

GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT: These two hate each other with a passion that is deemed to be unresolved sexual tension by fangirls. Interestingly enough, GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT Units appear to enjoy the company of RODERICH EDELSTEIN Units very much and would often come and pester your Unit, much to his annoyance.

ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO: Your Unit enjoys the company of this Unit, having spent centuries together, but will be unwilling to start a relationship. the ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO unit has to work hard, or you may arrange for some "accidents", if you wish to see these two in a relationship.

VASH ZWINGLI: Your Unit and this Unit used to be great friends, but they aren't anymore. To get them in a relationship, you have to get both of them drunk (and despite his looks, RODERICH EDELSTEIN is rather hard to get drunk - he is of German descent, after all).

FELICIANO VARGAS: Your Unit will see FELICIANO VARGAS as a ward and no romantic relationship is possible between the two.

LILLY ZWINGLI: Your Unit also sees this Unit as a ward and will be extremely kind to her - much to the annoyance of nearby VASH ZWINGLI units. This is partially out of guilt for abandoning the Principality of Liechtenstein when the Austrian Empire fell. LILLY ZWINGLI will be nagged at by a VASH ZWINGLI Unit to avoid RODERICH EDELSTEIN, but she still sees RODERICH EDELSTEIN as a father figure nevertheless and enjoys watching him play the piano. No romantic relationship is possible between the two.

LUDWIG BEILSCHMIDT: Your Unit was temporarily annexed by this Unit for a period of time before the Second World War, but seemed to have enjoyed freeloading in this unit's house. They get along rather amiably, except when discussing if Beethoven was a German or Austrian composer.

Do note that it is near impossible for RODERICH EDELSTEIN to have a romantic relationship outside the ones listed above and thus we advise you not to attempt to seduce your Unit for the sanity of both of you.

**Cleaning**

Your Unit is perfectly capable of cleaning himself and does not enjoy communal baths.

**Feeding**

Your Unit will eat anything that he deems as "proper food". This excludes fast food, takeaway/microwave dinners, and anything made by an ARTHUR KIRKLAND Unit, as well as anything made from seafood. Accept his requests to use the kitchen and you will be pleasantly surprised with an assortment of Austrian pastries (he bakes really good chocolate cakes) and good coffee-unless you don't like your coffee with too much cream.

**Rest**

RODERICH EDELSTEIN likes routine and would thus adopt a sleep pattern based on the waking/sleeping times of the other habitants of the house. It is usually a maximum of a 2-hour deviation from 10pm to 7am. He does not mind sharing a room with an ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY or ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO unit, but will strongly object to rooming with GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT unless the two of them are in a relationship.

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><p><strong>Frequently <strong>**Asked ****Questions**

Q: My Unit left the house in the morning, it's almost 9pm and he hasn't returned!

A: Relax, RODERICH EDELSTEIN Units have a terrible sense of direction. He probably got lost. You can track him with the GPS chip embedded in all our Units and bring him back. You do not have to worry about his safety as most people would learn not to mess around with him after about two minutes or so.

Q: I accidentally broke my Unit's glasses/they went missing and now he refuses to come out of his room/see anyone except my ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY Unit!

A: Well, RODERICH EDELSTEIN feels that he looks too plain without his glasses and that explains why he refuses to meet you. You can go buy a pair that looks like the one he came with or call Customer Services and we'll send you a pair right away. They are non-prescription and are not meant to correct for myopia/astigmatism.

Q: My Unit used up all the blank scores and now he's frantically looking for paper to write his music on, he even wrote on the back of the written report I was supposed to submit tomorrow and I had to reprint it all over again!

A: When RODERICH EDELSTEIN goes into one of his bouts of inspiration he will write down his compositions on anything, though he'll probably apologize later. We advice you to always have a few empty books for music scores (lined and ruled, preferably) if you do not wish for such mishaps to happen.

Q: My Unit's playing his musical instruments at ungodly hours and waking up my neighbours (and myself!) I thought you said he was a person of routine?

A: Indeed he is, but he's even more of a musician. Like we said in the previous question, when he gets inspired, he will do anything to get that inspiration down in concrete form. That sadly involves playing the piano at midnight if he so happens to have been inspired by a dream or something.

Q: I read somewhere/heard from my friends that own other Units that curls that stand up work as erogeneous zones, but RODERICH EDELSTEIN only gets annoyed when I pull his curl!

A: ...The makers of this manual demand why you are even trying to turn him on, since we have clearly stated that he will not be romantically interested in his owner. However, due to obligations to release such information to our customers, we inform you that RODERICH EDELSTEIN's cowlick represents Mariazell, and his erogeneous zone is not that but the mole to the corner of his lips.

**Troubleshooting**

Problem: Instead of receiving an aristocratic young man, you have received a kid of about seven who loves to pick fights.

Solution: We have mixed up the order and sent you a little!Austria by accident. This version of the Unit is constantly being trashed by a little!Hungary unit and is anxious to prove himself to be strong, which usually means that a little!Switzerland has to come along to save his butt most of the time. If you wish to swap this for the full grown version, please contact Customer Services and we will ship you the replacement right away.

Problem: Your RODERICH EDELSTEIN Unit suddenly became unable to walk and he sits around all day moping and playing depressing music. He rejects attention from any ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY Unit, claiming that it is "improper" for them to see each other, making her depressed as well.

Solution: You have unlocked the _Post-WWI_ mode of your Unit. In this mode, Austria has just lost so much of his land that he is temporarily crippled. The Treaty of Versailles has also disbanded the Austro-Hungarian Empire, effectively divorcing him from ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY. To get him out of this mode, leave him with a LUDWIG unit for a few weeks and he will recuperate.

**End ****Notes**

With proper respect and care, RODERICH EDELSTEIN will prove to be a valuable companion. We wish you luck and hope that you enjoy your time with him.


End file.
